'We are marathon widowers!'
The Women’s Running team has been so engrossed in training for the Brighton Marathon that we’ve barely had time to think about what our partners have been putting up with! So what is it really like being married to a woman training for a marathon? We speak to the husbands...
Graham Williams
Graham, a research analyst, is married to Women’s Running contributing editor, Lisa Jackson, who has run numerous marathons and half marathons.When your wife first signed up for a marathon, what did you immediately think?
Lisa ran her first marathon in London in 1999. I was away working in Bahrain for seven months at the time and my first thought was ‘Lisa? Running a marathon?!’ My second thought was ‘I really don’t know what makes my wife tick!’. Until her announcement I was an occasional jogger while Lisa did no exercise whatsoever - and now she was vaulting right over me in terms of her commitment and ambition. It was real ‘zero to hero’ stuff. To my lasting shame I forgot to wish her good luck for the day and, after a week-long radio silence during which she failed to respond to any of my daily emails, the penny dropped and I finally realised my terrible mistake. The only way I could think of to show that I was truly repentant was to run the Edinburgh Marathon with her five months later on my return. Thinking myself the more experienced runner I ignored Lisa’s sound advice and didn’t put in anything like enough training, so unsurprisingly the wheels came off my race at mile 20. The only consolations I took away from Edinburgh were that I walked the last six miles with a Sandhurst Army officer (they’re renowned for being tough as nails, so this was balm to my injured pride) and that I managed to finish ahead of Lisa (which somewhat limited the amount of ‘I told you so’ I had to suffer afterwards).How has the training affected your time together?
At first I felt like I was a running widower. After Edinburgh I reverted back to the occasional 5km jog but for Lisa it was different: even when not actually training, running was running through her mind all the time (eventually she even wrote a book, Running Made Easy, about it). Rather than run myself I started supporting Lisa during her races, which seemed the least unpleasant way of staying close to my wife’s new passion without being enveloped by it. But after the 2009 Comrades ultramarathon, during which I spotted Lisa only once over the 89km/56 mile course and felt excluded from all the pre- and post-race hoopla and buzz, I had a conversion experience (or it may have been a mild brain seizure) and decided it was better to be a participant than a spectator. In front of several family members I confidently declared that, in 2010, I would run Comrades. So I must be one of the few people on earth who can say: ‘I ran 56 miles because my wife drove me to it!’ As a result, we both spend quite a lot of time running, entering races and talking about running, which has added a new dimension to our relationship. When I married Lisa, I would never have dreamt that we’d end up celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary by running the Jerusalem Marathon together this year.What sort of changes have you seen in your wife’s attitude and mental state since she has been training for the marathon?
Lisa still enjoys running immensely but now runs with a greater sense of purpose and pride. There’s a mental toughness that’s developed to will her body onwards as well as a sense of self-belief that not only can she complete any marathon but do so in a respectable time, should she need to.How has her marathon training affected you mentally, if at all?
Lisa is so enthusiastic about the life-changing potential of running that her passion for it was contagious. Her success tweaked my competitive streak and I became determined to run a marathon in under four hours and do Comrades in under 11. Succeeding at both of these goals has boosted my self-confidence. I love the fact that Lisa’s really proud of me and I achieved what I set out to do. Having bragging rights of my own at home is fantastic.What are the benefits of her training for a marathon?
Lisa becomes more focused - about her daily routine, her diet, sleeping, etc. Thankfully, it’s never to the point of obsessiveness, but the greater discipline rubs off on me and has an inspirational quality of its own.What are the pitfalls of her training for a marathon?
It has only a marginal impact on our social lives so I can’t complain on that front. Because I don’t run anything like as many marathons as Lisa does, I do have to listen to many more running post-mortems than I inflict on her. When she’s training, Lisa becomes even more reluctant than usual to do domestic chores so the burden falls even more heavily on me!What role have you played in terms of offering support and encouragement?
When I was Lisa’s travelling support and bag-carrier, I’ve done enough to redeem myself for failing to wish her good luck for her first marathon. I also play the role of Lisa’s better conscience pretty effectively: when she’s not inclined to go for a run, I’m able to articulate all the reasons why she knows she should – because they’re the same reasons I know I have to.What sort of support have you provided on a practical level?
We don’t run together very much because I’m faster than Lisa so we see one another only at the start and the finish of a race. And I’m not a chatty runner either, whereas Lisa very much is, so when she runs with me she might as well not be, as she hasn’t got anyone to talk to! The longest distance we’ve run together in training is 25km.How do you think your wife will perform on marathon day?
She’ll be brilliant. She’ll run her own race, love showing off her fancy dress outfit, make conversation with loads of people along the course, soak up the atmosphere and have a huge smile for the cameras at the finish. No matter how much pain she is in, like a true winner she will smile through it at the end.Are you nervous on her behalf about her running such a long distance?
Not at all. Lisa has done 21 marathons now and I’m more than happy for her to continue chalking up four or five a year indefinitely. If in this way she gets to join the 100 Marathon Club then I’d be delighted for her.What advice do you have for other men who have wives/partners running a marathon?
If you don’t want to endure the silent treatment like I did, support her all the way. And I mean all the way. Cheer yourself hoarse, pack little treats like a chocolate bar in her post-race bag, and make her a banner for afterwards (Lisa loved it when she did a PB in Seville and returned home to find that I’d strung a huge banner with her time on it across our dining room). But my best advice is actually to join her!Steve Chamberlain
Steve is a 31-year-old Events Fundraiser for Help The Hospices who is married to Women’s Running deputy editor, Claire Chamberlain. Claire is doing the Brighton Marathon this Sunday and has previously run the London Marathon in 2009.When your wife first signed up for a marathon, what did you immediately think?
When Claire signed up for the 2009 London Marathon first time around I thought ‘wow, but I hope she can make it’. This time I thought ‘here we go again… all I’m going to hear about for the next six months is training runs, blisters, shin splints etc. etc!’ In all seriousness though I think she’s amazing… much more driven than I am so she puts me to shame.How has the training affected your time together?
Inevitably I lose Claire for three or four hours most weekends and, if I’m honest, this was something I was concerned about when she first signed up for a marathon. However, it’s actually been great that Claire has her own goal and something she’s incredibly proud of. It’s also led me to go out on the bike during those training slots so it’s given me a much-needed kick too.What sort of changes have you seen in your wife’s attitude and mental state since she has been training for the marathon?
Ups and downs probably sums it up. If a run goes well she’s on a massive high for the afternoon. If she’s struggled for energy then a few doubts creep in, particularly as she hasn’t managed to complete all her training runs this time around. However, in spite of her fluffy exterior she’s actually very mentally tough so the downs don’t usually last more than 30mins or so.How has her marathon training affected you mentally, if at all?
It’s definitely a source of inspiration, particularly as Claire has never really been into sport or fitness in the past. It makes you realise what’s possible if you really apply yourself and has definitely led to me getting more active.What are the benefits of her training for a marathon?
It’s actually great to have extra time to myself and to do my own thing on the weekend. It’s good to have different interests and things to talk about. She’s fit, healthy, and has a great figure, which is always a bonus!What are the pitfalls of her training for a marathon?
It sometimes interferes with weekend plans, so we can’t book in trips away in the build up.What role have you played in terms of offering support and encouragement?
To be honest, she doesn’t really need much boosting as she’s pretty mentally tough. However, any time she’s had a bad run I’ll make sure I give her a few words of encouragement. The only thing she really needs is a steaming bowl of pasta pesto when she gets back from a run!What sort of support have you provided on a practical level – e.g. have you run with her and if so, what sort of distance have you covered?
We don’t tend to run together as, whilst she can run much longer than I can, I’ve got a longer stride pattern. Also, I’m more into cycling than running so it takes a lot to get me out!How do you think your wife will perform on marathon day?
I think she’ll do great but, as she hasn’t completed all of her training runs, I know she’s planning to take it nice and steady.Are you nervous on her behalf about her running such a long distance?
I don’t tend to get nervous as I just trust that she’ll be fine. To be honest, I’m always a bit jealous once it’s over and she’s got that adrenalin buzz as I know how good that sense of accomplishment feels!If, at the end of the marathon, she says she wants to train for another marathon next year, how will you feel?
Divorced!Has seeing your wife train for a marathon tempted you to enter one yourself?
No! I do long bike rides which is more my thing. I’ve also got a slightly dodgy left knee after an operation so wouldn’t risk doing any damage.What advice do you have for other men who have wives/partners running a marathon?
Just be as supportive as you can be and turn a possible negative into a positive. Find things that you enjoy doing in the new spare time you have and it can be a great push for you too.